my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ruined the universe
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
