pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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