you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
