My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
