were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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