Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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