it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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