I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
