WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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