took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
found the other keg... it's in the tree
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
