I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
