Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
