Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
