I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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