Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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