dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
