guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
