So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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