that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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