Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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