the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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