did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
