But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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