Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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