He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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