The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
