You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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