Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
