i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
