if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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