your parents love me but you hate me
In America we eat man semen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
