Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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