just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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