What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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