It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
