At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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