i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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