i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize