Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
