yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
