Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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