Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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