Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
