Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize