Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
