conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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