google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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