Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
