it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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