no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
