Farmville is her only friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
