You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
