Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
