Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
