I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
