just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it hurts more in the daytime
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
