I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
