drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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