K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
