Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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