I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
