Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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