the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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