Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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