They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
