I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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