Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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