I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I only lived at night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
