I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
