Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
