We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
